


Sans Deur

by WildflowerWoods



Series: Veni, Vidi, Vici [2]
Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Crack, Song Lyrics, Songfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23535991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildflowerWoods/pseuds/WildflowerWoods
Summary: Without FearIt's Halloween, the day the barrier is weakest, and while their parents plot ways to break the barrier, the kids have a bit of fun.
Relationships: Harry Hook/Uma
Series: Veni, Vidi, Vici [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1693681
Kudos: 19





	Sans Deur

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to be part of the main story, but it didn't fit the theme. You don't need to have any knowledge of the main story to enjoy this, though it may help with knowing who some of the people are.

“C’mon! It’s starting!”

“What’s starting?” Carlos asked as his sister dragged him down towards the docks, Mal, Jay and Evie trailing behind. It had been a pain to convince her to let them tag along, but she apparently forgot about that in her hurry to get to wherever they were going.

“It’s Halloween, the night the barrier is at its weakest.” she stated, not looking back at him. In the distance, Carlos could see firelight reflecting off the buildings and, as they got closer, he could make out voices.

“Yeah, it’s the one night there’s no adults running around and all the kids are on the streets.” Mal replied.

“Yeah, well, the pirates have another name for it.” ‘Lota stated before a cry interrupted her.

“LOTTIE! You made it!” The youngest son of Gaston was stood on top of the archway that lead to the docks.

“Gil!” ‘Lota grinned up at him “You really think I’d miss Revenge Night?”

“We’re just about to start. C’mon.” Gil vanished behind the wall and ‘Lota laughed, rolling her eyes started as a song picked up.

“**Yo Ho, Yo Ho, Yo Ho, Yo Ho, Yo Ho  
So, try the life of a thief  
Just sample the life of a crook  
There isn't a boy  
Who won't enjoy  
A-workin' for Captain Hook  
The World's Most Famous Crook”** Harriet Hook was sat on a throne in the middle of the square, various pirates—presumably her crew—dancing around her as they sang.

Sammy Smee jumped up, waving a green piece of fabric around **“Crook, crook, crickety-crockety  
Crickety-crook  
The Croc is after Captain...”** Harriet shoved him out of the way, jumping on top of the throne she’d been sat on.

“**As a special offer for today  
I'll tell you what I'll do  
All those who sign without delay  
Will get a free tattoo”** CJ Hook dropped out of nowhere on a rope, shoving her sister off the throne.

“**Why, it's like money in the bank  
C'mon, join up, and I'll be frank:  
Unless you do, you'll walk the plank  
The choice is up to you!”** She cheered, her fist in the air before Harriet stood up and shoved her off the throne, sitting back down.

“**The choice is up to you!  
Yo Ho, Yo Ho, Yo Ho, Yo Ho, Yo Ho”** pretty much everybody in the crowd were singing along, including ‘Lota.

“**You'll love the life of a thief”** Jaz Hook called as she joined her sisters in the middle of the square**  
****“You'll relish the life of a crook  
There's barrels of fun enough for everyone  
And you'll get treasures by the ton”** By that point, Carlos wasn’t too surprised to see Harry Hook stalk up and shove over the throne his sisters were perched on.**  
****“So come and sign the book  
Join up with Captain Hook!”** There was laughter from the crowd as the four moved back, Claudine Frollo darting into the middle. Carlos quickly glanced around to see a few others dropping back into the crowd.

“Whoever gets into the middle first gets the next song” ‘Lota whispered in his ear.

“**Beata Maria,”** Claudine fell to her knees as she pulled a piece of purple fabric out of her pocket before putting her hands together like she was praying.  
**“You know I am a righteous girl  
Of my virtue I am justly proud”**

“**Beata Maria  
You know I'm so much purer than  
The common, vulgar, weak, licentious crowd”** She jumped to her feet, gesturing around to cheers as torches were lit.  
  
**“Then tell me, Maria  
Why I see her dancing there  
Why her smo****u****ldering eyes still scorch my soul”** The girls with black hair—’Lota included—started dancing in a ring around Claudine, waving the lit torches as they moved.  
  
**“I feel her, I see her  
The sun caught in her raven hair  
Is blazing in me out of all control”**The girls moved backwards until it was just Claudine and Harriet Hook in the middle of the square.

“**Like fire”** Claudine dropped to one knee  
**“Hellfire”** Both  
**“This fire in my skin”** Claudine was on her knees at Harriet’s feet, looking like she was begging for forgiveness and Carlos had no idea where his sister was.  
**“This burning  
Desire  
Is turning me to sin”** Carlos still had no idea what was going on, but everyone else seemed to be having fun. In the middle of the square, Harriet had pulled Claudine back to her feet

“**It's not your fault”** Ginny Gothel cried, shoving Claudine to the left  
**“You’re not to blame”** Gastonette pushed her back the other way  
**“It is the ****pirate**** girl  
The witch who set this flame”** ‘Lota stalked forwards, knives glinting in the firelight as Claudine backed into Harriet.  
**“It's not your fault  
If in God's plan  
He made the devil so much stronger than women”** All four of them crowded around Claudine, only to be shoved out of the square by the Gaston twins, Gil pulling their sister back into the middle.

“**No one's slick as Gaston”** The whole crowd was joining in with this one as the Legume siblings posed in the middle. The air was infectious. Carlos found himself joining in without even realising it.  
**“****No one's quick as Gaston****  
****No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston****  
****For there's no man in town half as manly!****  
****Perfect, a pure paragon!****  
****You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley****  
****And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!”**  
  
  


“**No one's been like Gaston”** LeFou Deux announced  
**“****A king pin like Gaston”****  
****“****No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston”** Someone else yelled  
**“****As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!”** Gil had grabbed Harry at some point and the twins were lifting them both. Gil was laughing. Harry was threatening to hook people if he wasn’t immediately put down.  
**“****My what a guy, that Gaston!”** Everyone yelled as the square was filled with smoke.

“**I know that your powers of retention****  
****Are as wet as a warthog's backside****  
****But thick as you are, pay attention!****  
****My words are a matter of pride”** The smoke cleared and Seff, son of Scar, was stood in the middle, leaning over Gil.

“**It's clear from your vacant expressions”** he turned to the crowd, staling around the square, occasionally getting in someone’s face  
“**The lights are not all on upstairs****  
****But we're talking kings and successions****  
****Even you can't be caught unawares!”**

“**So, prepare for the chance of a lifetime”** The fire jumped up on his left  
**“****Be prepared for sensational news”** The fire on the right side jumped  
**“****A shining, new era****  
****Is tiptoeing nearer”**  
**“****And where do we feature?”** Jaz Hook asked  
**“****Just listen to teacher”** He replied

“**I know it sounds sordid****  
****But you'll be rewarded****  
****When at last, I am given my dues****  
****And injustice deliciously squared”**  
**“****Be prepared!”** Everyone yelled as Ginny Gothel shoved Seff to the side

“**Mother knows best****  
****Listen to your mother****  
****It's a scary world out there”** She waved her finger as she spoke, acting like a mother scolding her children.

“**Mother knows best****  
****One way or another****  
****Something will go wrong, I swear”** she leaned back, hand on her forehead/

“**Ruffian****s****,”** Harry Hook got shoved forwards again **“thugs”** The Gaston twins  
**“****Poison ivy,”** somehow Evie had ended up at the front of the crowd and someone—Jay—shoved her into the square **“quicksand”**  
**“****Cannibals and snakes”** Evie got her revenge, yanking Jay into the square with her.  
**“****The plague!”**

“_**No!”**_ Everyone yelled

“_**Yes!”**_ Ginny shot back

“_**But--”**_ Seff protested

“**Also large bugs****  
****Men with pointy teeth, and****  
****Stop, no more, you'll just upset me!”** She draped herself over Seff as Evie and Jay vanished back into the crowd along with the other people that had been pushed forwards.

“**Mother's right here****  
****Mother will protect you****  
****Darling, here's what I suggest****  
****Skip the drama****  
****Stay with Mama****  
****Mother knows best”** She finished, dragging Seff out of the square with her.

“**Sit down at my table”** Freddie and Celia Facilier moved into the middle from opposite sides of the square  
**“****Put your minds at ease”** Freddie was the only one singing as Celia pulled out a pack of cards  
**“****If you relax it'll enable me to do****  
****Anything I please”** Freddie pulled a card out, handing it back to her sister

“**I can read your future” **Celia picked up the song  
**“****I can change it 'round some, too****  
****I'll look deep into your heart and soul”**  
_**“**__**You do have a soul, don't you, **__**guys”**_ Freddie interrupted  
**“****Make your wildest dreams come true”**

“**We got voodoo, we got hoodoo,  
We got things we ain't even tried  
And we got friends on the other side”** the sisters quickly vacated as Uma showed herself for the first time that evening. Carlos had suspected that she was around somewhere—it was rare to see Harry without her—but he hadn’t seen her.

“**I admit that in the past I've been a nasty****  
****They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a witch”** She held a hand out and Harry took it, following her around the square, probably like how Flotsam and Jetsam had followed her mother.  
**“****But you'll find that nowadays****  
****I've mended all my ways****  
****Repented, seen the light, and made a switch”** That got the crowd laughing again

“**And I, fortunately, know a little magic  
It's a talent that I always have possessed”** the small amounts of water in the square started moving. It could hardly be called magic, but it was still magic.**  
And dear lady, please don't laugh,  
I use it on behalf  
of the miserable, lonely and depressed”**

“_**Pathetic” **_Harry muttered as several members of Uma’s crew lined up in front of them.

“**Poor unfortunate souls****  
****In pain, in need”** She gestured to various members of her crew as she sang  
**“****This one longing to be thinner****  
****That one wants to get the girl****  
****And do I help them? Yes, indeed”**

“**Those poor unfortunate souls****  
****So sad, so true****  
****They come flocking to my cauldron****  
****crying;”**  
_**"Spells, U**__**ma**__**, please!"**_ the crowd begged  
**“****And I help them? Yes, I do”**

“**Now it's happened once or twice****  
****Someone couldn't pay the price****  
****And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals” **Various members of her crew pretended to stumble and fall over each other  
**“****Yes I've had the odd complaint****  
****But on the whole I've been a saint****  
****to those poor unfortunate souls”** There was a laugh behind him, someone grabbed his shoulders and shoved him forwards as Uma finished, she and her crew leaving the square

“**Cruella De Vil, Cruella De Vil”** He knew that voice, especially when singing that song. He turned to see ‘Lota smirking at him  
**“****If she doesn't scare you, no evil thing will****  
****To see her is to take a sudden chill”** She clearly wanted him to join in. He knew the song, of course he did, ‘Lota had only sung it once a week for seven years.  
**“****Cruella, Cruella”****  
“****She's like a spider waiting for the kill” **His voice was far, far quieter than hers, but from the sounds of things, the crowd heard it anyway.  
**“****Look out for Cruella De Vil”**

“**At first you think Cruella is a devil****  
****But after time has worn away the shock****  
****You come to realize****  
****You've seen her kind of eyes****  
****Watching you from underneath a rock!”** The further into the song they got, the more Carlos forgot about the eyes on them, they were five again, prowling through the house when they were home alone, seeing who could make themselves sound louder.

“**This vampire bat,”** ‘Lota spat **“this inhuman beast”**  
**“****She ought to be locked up and never released”** He shot back. The world had, in fact, locked her up  
**“****The world was such a wholesome place until****  
****Cruella, Cruella De Vil”** ‘Lota laughed as they finished, dragging him back out of the ring before Harriet and Uma entered. They bowed to each other, captains of equal rank.

“**If you're thinkin' of the future and you'd like a life of ease  
If you like to make a fortune 'fore you're through  
If you ever had a haggerin' to sail the seven seas  
Then a pirate's life is just the life for you  
Yo-ho-ho and a bucket full of rum  
If you like to make a fortune 'fore you're through” **People were moving everywhere, the space in the middle of the square vanished and Uma and Harriet ended up on the walls and roofs on order to stay in sight as they sang.**  
“If you like a life of pleasure, mix in treasure for good measure  
Then a pirate's life is just the life for you  
Now a cutlass and a blunderbuss  
A dagger and a dirk  
Is all you need to join the buccaneers  
And you never have to worry and you never have to work  
And you never have to wash behind your ears”** Someone—probably Jay, again—had pushed Mal up onto the roof as well. Mal looked like she wanted to climb down, she was _way_ out of her depth there, But Harriet and Uma simply moved past her as various gang leaders and second-in-commands took to the rooftops with them.**  
“If you choose to be a pirate, it's a choice you'll not regret  
You can stay up every night 'til after ten  
There'll be no one here to make you wear your rubbers when it's wet  
And you'll never have to brush your teeth again!  
Yo-ho-ho, buccaneering you must go  
So you might as well make up your minds to sign  
If you'd like a life of plunder, if you care for blood and thunder  
Simply step up and sign up dotted line!” **The gates Uma and Harriet were stood on opened and kids spilt out onto the docks. At some point, Jay had found Mal and Evie in the crowd, dragging them over to join Carlos against the wall.

“Unless people want to go out there and risk getting drowned, we should probably head back.” Jay stated

“Nobody’ll drown you” ‘Lota stated. “This is the one night of the year we put all grudges aside. Even you guys are welcome on the docks. Be gone before dawn though, Harry can only keep Uma distracted for so long.” She sounded light-hearted when she said it, but they all knew full well that blood would be shed if Uma caught Mal on her turf when she was sober. They all turned to look at Mal

“I think,” Mal said, “we should enjoy the night.”

“Be careful with the booze, it’s probably a lot stronger than you’re used to” ‘Lota warned, running off down to the docks after the rest of the pirates.

“Well, let’s go” Carlos took off after his sister, not bothering to see if the others were following. He knew they would. Nobody could resist a night of free food after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Songs used:  
The Elegant Captain Hook-- Peter Pan  
Hellfire-- the Hunchback of Notradame  
Gaston-- Beauty and the Beast  
Be Prepared-- the Lion King  
Mother Knows Best-- Tangled  
Friends on the other side-- Princess and the frog  
Poor Unfortunate Souls-- the little mermaid  
Cruella De Vil-- 101 Dalmations  
The Pirate Song-- a deleted song from Peter Pan


End file.
